RE: When Conflicts Arise on our HF Forum

GardnersGardens — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 14:34:18 GMT

I was really liking this site and it's forums until I found some posts that were rude and insulting. The rules are very plain and straight forward but after reading some of the posts/replies I see rude and insulting replies are being allowed.

Nobody wants to be insulted and treated like they are idiots.

It was not me they were insulting as I stayed out of it but I feel sorry for the people that were treated like they had no business being here on HobbyFarms.

Just needed to voice my opinion on the rules.

RE: When Conflicts Arise on our HF Forum

Wall0stoneVI — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:27:51 GMT

commical since my statement was cleared up promply in the following post.Some seem to presume others are confrontational when there is no confrontation.

I BELEAVE I made it clear that I was not talking about anyone here.

RE: When Conflicts Arise on our HF Forum

Wichman — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:06:46 GMT

This will be my last post on this forum.
Since you are unable or unwilling to control the member who continues to return and violate your rules, I will not participate in this forum.
I cannot respond to this individual without getting warning messages and e-mails yet this individual continues on and on ad nauseum.

I will lurk, and continue to support the magazine, but I cannot post anymore without responding to this individual, so
Goodby

When Conflicts Arise on our HF Forum

Community Moderator — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:11:22 GMT

*These suggestions were originally written by Pepper’s Pa on the BirdChannel Forum, but have been edited for use here by Community Moderator.*

There are rules and guidelines created and posted here to help make this a safe and respectful message board to visit. There are two rules, “1. Communicate in a friendly and respectful manner” and “3. Don’t instigate arguments” that we’ve had some recent difficulty in following. In an effort to help all of us, below I’ve written some ideas that you may find beneficial in dealing with and preventing conflicts here. If needed, I hope you find this of some help.

When we are exchanging electronic communications here on the message board, it’s easy for something to be misinterpreted. Our ability to communicate through our written words does not convey the full message that is included in the tone of our voice, our facial expressions and our overall body language. When we take away all these signs that can be understood when we are talking face to face, our words often are read different than the message we thought we were sharing.

We’ve all likely seen what can occur when our messages here are misinterpreted. Misinterpreted messages often escalate to stronger disagreement, hurt feelings, people taking sides in arguments and other negative situations that create stress and anxiety in many of the members and visitors to our message board who have been exposed to negative posts and threads.

In an effort to help all of us, I’m going to share some ideas and suggestions that you may find helpful and useful in keeping this a message board where you always feel welcomed, comfortable and look forward to visiting. These are not presented in any priority and are only numbered for organization.

These first ideas for your consideration deal with what to do if there is an active conflict or disagreement occurring:

1) Don’t infer the worst about a post – It’s easy to read a post and think it is against your opinions, comments or you personally in a negative and disrespectful manner. Before jumping to a negative conclusion, consider why (what benefits or pleasure) the person posting may gain from what is written and you may realize what was written doesn’t make sense to you. Instead of responding to it, consider what the member may have been trying to say. If you still feel it is something that violates the rules of the message board, send a private message to a moderator to look into your concern and intervene if that is needed. Also, not every member has the same skills at writing. Some are more skilled in writing clearly than others. In addition to those who have spent a lifetime writing in English, we have a worldwide membership including international members. Some of these members may use English as a second language or write in broken English. Posts may sometimes appear demanding or rude, when that was not the intent of the writer. Do not misinterpret writing skills as disagreement or antagonism towards you.

2) Don’t get involved in an argument or heated discussion – It is very hard to remain or appear to remain neutral when you add a post into an active disagreement. Anything you say can easily be misinterpreted in the “heat of the moment” and an increase in the intensity of the disagreement may occur where you find yourself dragged into it. If you see an argument or negative interactions developing or occurring, please consider: Sending an immediate private message to the moderators sharing the name of the thread, where it is located and a brief description (There’s an argument between members.) of the problem. If you know how, providing a link (hyperlink) to the post will be very helpful. If you feel you must do something more, in addition to contacting the moderators, make a short, neutral post such as “Do we want/need to consider a timeout?”

3) Keep it short and simple – Though we often feel the need to expand on our thoughts, when emotions are high often choosing to say less is the best and most successful path to follow.

4) Remain neutral – You may feel very strongly about one side or the other of a conflict or you may feel it’s important to offer support to one of the members in a conflict. Please don’t take sides, it may keep the conflict going or escalate it as more members become involved. If you feel you must give your support to a member, do it in a private message, you can still show your support in this way.

5) Disagree positively – It’s common that members have different opinions and a friendly discussion can help clarify both members’ opinions on a topic. We tend to approach our differences in opinions by being negative towards the opposing opinion instead of being positive about our own. When we focus on the positives, we are focusing on ourselves while when we are sharing negatives against the opposing opinion the person may feel it is more personal and less about the opinion. Example: Consider this situation. A member posts that he is wondering about the size coop needed for his hens. Example of a negative reply: You need to get your hens in a bigger sized coop. It is cruel to keep then in a coop that size. You’re not giving them enough room to live comfortable. You’re depriving them of any chance of being active, happy and they’ll probably not live long. Example of a positive reply: You may want to consider getting your hens into a larger sized coop than the current measurements of the coop you have now. A larger sized coop would provide your hens with more opportunities to live comfortable. You’ll be giving them the chance to be active, happier and live a longer and more enjoyable life. Both replies have said the same thing, but in decidedly different ways. Which would you hope to receive?

6) Treat others as you’d like them to treat you – Didn’t we hear this at a young age and isn’t it still true?

7) Emoticons ( [Smile] , [Tongue] , [w00t] ) – There are many choices of emoticons that we can include in our posts. The problem is that each person may consider an emoticon means something different. Does [BigGrin] mean I’m laughing with you or at you? Though our words may not come across as clearly as we hope, adding emoticons may also add confusion.

8) Jokes – When a conflict occurs, we all have different approaches to try to defuse the tension. Some people are direct while others try to bring a lighter approach or attempt to joke or be silly. Though this may work for some people, it may have the opposite effect for others. People may feel that their concerns are being ignored or thought of as frivolous.

9) Focus on you and your actions – There is only one person whose actions you can control and that is you. Write about yourself using “I” statements and not about the other person with “You” statements. Write “I think . . . “ and not “You think . . . “

10) Let your actions represent you more than your words – There is no stronger way to present your opinion than by your actions and not your words. Your day-to-day interaction with other members here gives the best representation about the person you are and the opinions you value. By choosing to participate, you may be validating and strengthening a conflict. Choosing to not participate may be sending the strongest message you are able to deliver and help defuse a conflict.

11) Don’t forget the original post – When a conflict or disagreement occurs, we often forget that a member had originally asked a question or had some other reason to begin the thread. Instead of allowing emotions to control the tone and direction of the thread, ask yourself, “will what I’m about to write help answer the questions or needs presented in the first post?” We all want to offer what help and support we can provide to every member, don’t allow emotions or disagreement to block the help we may provide.

12) Beware of trolls and spammers – Trolls and spammers are people who come to a message board for the sole purpose of disrupting it and getting an emotional response to their posts from the members. These antagonistic people are usually new members and are made happy if we respond to their ridiculous posts. The very best thing you can do is to not give them the emotional response they desire. Respond to them with a post such as, “This post appears to be from someone looking to disrupt our message board. Please do not respond to this thread. I have contacted the moderators to look at this thread.” To give you an example of a troll’s posts, here’s one that actually occurred here. One of this troll’s least offensive posts was on how to treat a new bird. It was suggested that the best way to get a new bird adjusted to a new home was to place it in a small sealed box, then scream at and bang on the box. Yes, this was one of the least offensive posts by this troll. If you see what appears to be a post from a troll or spammer, do not give them the response they desire. Be calm and immediately send a private message to the moderators informing them of post/thread in question.

The following may provide you with some things to consider before or after a heated conflict occurs.

13) Private messages aren’t always private – Messages that you thought were sent privately to another member in confidence, may accidentally or on purpose be shared with others. If what you share with another person is not what you want to spread on the message board, then your best choice may be to not share that information. What you keep private and don’t share with others will remain private.

14) “I don’t mean to offend anyone. . .” – We’ve all seen this or similar statements at the beginning of a post. If you have to start by saying you don’t mean to offend, it usually means you consider what you’re posting will be offensive. If you feel you need to include these words in a post, you really should not be writing that post.

15) Random acts of kindness – This was a catch phrase a few years ago . . . but it’s still very valuable today. Look for opportunities to offer praise to other members. Congratulate members when they’ve made a breakthrough with their parrot. Thank members when they’ve shared something that is helpful to you. Share with members that you appreciate what they bring to the message board. Praise a skill or talent that a member shares that amazes you. Congratulate a member on successes or special days in their life. Goodwill goes a long way in developing and maintaining a friendly and respectful message board.

16) Apologies – If you are involved in a conflict with another member that takes place in front of everyone, when emotions cool you may want to apologize to everyone. That’s not needed and may reignite the conflict and turmoil. If there is a member or two who you really feel there is a need to apologize to then do it in a private message. Keep it short and simple, “I am sorry for my role in our recent disagreement and I wish my comments had been friendlier and more respectful.” Don’t attempt to explain why you were so passionate or to defend the position you had taken in the conflict.

If we strive to keep every post we write friendly, polite and respectful it will go a long way in keeping all our interactions friendly, polite and respectful. I hope something shared here will be of help to you if you observe or are involved in a conflict here.

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