Hobby Farms Forums / HobbyFarms.com Forum Basics / Posting Guidelines

When Conflicts Arise on our HF Forum

Community Moderator — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:11:22 GMT

*These suggestions were originally written by Pepper’s Pa on the BirdChannel Forum, but have been edited for use here by Community Moderator.*

There are rules and guidelines created and posted here to help make this a safe and respectful message board to visit. There are two rules, “1. Communicate in a friendly and respectful manner” and “3. Don’t instigate arguments” that we’ve had some recent difficulty in following. In an effort to help all of us, below I’ve written some ideas that you may find beneficial in dealing with and preventing conflicts here. If needed, I hope you find this of some help.

When we are exchanging electronic communications here on the message board, it’s easy for something to be misinterpreted. Our ability to communicate through our written words does not convey the full message that is included in the tone of our voice, our facial expressions and our overall body language. When we take away all these signs that can be understood when we are talking face to face, our words often are read different than the message we thought we were sharing.

We’ve all likely seen what can occur when our messages here are misinterpreted. Misinterpreted messages often escalate to stronger disagreement, hurt feelings, people taking sides in arguments and other negative situations that create stress and anxiety in many of the members and visitors to our message board who have been exposed to negative posts and threads.

In an effort to help all of us, I’m going to share some ideas and suggestions that you may find helpful and useful in keeping this a message board where you always feel welcomed, comfortable and look forward to visiting. These are not presented in any priority and are only numbered for organization.

These first ideas for your consideration deal with what to do if there is an active conflict or disagreement occurring:

1) Don’t infer the worst about a post – It’s easy to read a post and think it is against your opinions, comments or you personally in a negative and disrespectful manner. Before jumping to a negative conclusion, consider why (what benefits or pleasure) the person posting may gain from what is written and you may realize what was written doesn’t make sense to you. Instead of responding to it, consider what the member may have been trying to say. If you still feel it is something that violates the rules of the message board, send a private message to a moderator to look into your concern and intervene if that is needed. Also, not every member has the same skills at writing. Some are more skilled in writing clearly than others. In addition to those who have spent a lifetime writing in English, we have a worldwide membership including international members. Some of these members may use English as a second language or write in broken English. Posts may sometimes appear demanding or rude, when that was not the intent of the writer. Do not misinterpret writing skills as disagreement or antagonism towards you.

2) Don’t get involved in an argument or heated discussion – It is very hard to remain or appear to remain neutral when you add a post into an active disagreement. Anything you say can easily be misinterpreted in the “heat of the moment” and an increase in the intensity of the disagreement may occur where you find yourself dragged into it. If you see an argument or negative interactions developing or occurring, please consider: Sending an immediate private message to the moderators sharing the name of the thread, where it is located and a brief description (There’s an argument between members.) of the problem. If you know how, providing a link (hyperlink) to the post will be very helpful. If you feel you must do something more, in addition to contacting the moderators, make a short, neutral post such as “Do we want/need to consider a timeout?”

3) Keep it short and simple – Though we often feel the need to expand on our thoughts, when emotions are high often choosing to say less is the best and most successful path to follow.

4) Remain neutral – You may feel very strongly about one side or the other of a conflict or you may feel it’s important to offer support to one of the members in a conflict. Please don’t take sides, it may keep the conflict going or escalate it as more members become involved. If you feel you must give your support to a member, do it in a private message, you can still show your support in this way.

5) Disagree positively – It’s common that members have different opinions and a friendly discussion can help clarify both members’ opinions on a topic. We tend to approach our differences in opinions by being negative towards the opposing opinion instead of being positive about our own. When we focus on the positives, we are focusing on ourselves while when we are sharing negatives against the opposing opinion the person may feel it is more personal and less about the opinion. Example: Consider this situation. A member posts that he is wondering about the size coop needed for his hens. Example of a negative reply: You need to get your hens in a bigger sized coop. It is cruel to keep then in a coop that size. You’re not giving them enough room to live comfortable. You’re depriving them of any chance of being active, happy and they’ll probably not live long. Example of a positive reply: You may want to consider getting your hens into a larger sized coop than the current measurements of the coop you have now. A larger sized coop would provide your hens with more opportunities to live comfortable. You’ll be giving them the chance to be active, happier and live a longer and more enjoyable life. Both replies have said the same thing, but in decidedly different ways. Which would you hope to receive?

6) Treat others as you’d like them to treat you – Didn’t we hear this at a young age and isn’t it still true?

7) Emoticons ( [Smile] , [Tongue] , [w00t] ) – There are many choices of emoticons that we can include in our posts. The problem is that each person may consider an emoticon means something different. Does [BigGrin] mean I’m laughing with you or at you? Though our words may not come across as clearly as we hope, adding emoticons may also add confusion.

8) Jokes – When a conflict occurs, we all have different approaches to try to defuse the tension. Some people are direct while others try to bring a lighter approach or attempt to joke or be silly. Though this may work for some people, it may have the opposite effect for others. People may feel that their concerns are being ignored or thought of as frivolous.

9) Focus on you and your actions – There is only one person whose actions you can control and that is you. Write about yourself using “I” statements and not about the other person with “You” statements. Write “I think . . . “ and not “You think . . . “

10) Let your actions represent you more than your words – There is no stronger way to present your opinion than by your actions and not your words. Your day-to-day interaction with other members here gives the best representation about the person you are and the opinions you value. By choosing to participate, you may be validating and strengthening a conflict. Choosing to not participate may be sending the strongest message you are able to deliver and help defuse a conflict.

11) Don’t forget the original post – When a conflict or disagreement occurs, we often forget that a member had originally asked a question or had some other reason to begin the thread. Instead of allowing emotions to control the tone and direction of the thread, ask yourself, “will what I’m about to write help answer the questions or needs presented in the first post?” We all want to offer what help and support we can provide to every member, don’t allow emotions or disagreement to block the help we may provide.

12) Beware of trolls and spammers – Trolls and spammers are people who come to a message board for the sole purpose of disrupting it and getting an emotional response to their posts from the members. These antagonistic people are usually new members and are made happy if we respond to their ridiculous posts. The very best thing you can do is to not give them the emotional response they desire. Respond to them with a post such as, “This post appears to be from someone looking to disrupt our message board. Please do not respond to this thread. I have contacted the moderators to look at this thread.” To give you an example of a troll’s posts, here’s one that actually occurred here. One of this troll’s least offensive posts was on how to treat a new bird. It was suggested that the best way to get a new bird adjusted to a new home was to place it in a small sealed box, then scream at and bang on the box. Yes, this was one of the least offensive posts by this troll. If you see what appears to be a post from a troll or spammer, do not give them the response they desire. Be calm and immediately send a private message to the moderators informing them of post/thread in question.

The following may provide you with some things to consider before or after a heated conflict occurs.

13) Private messages aren’t always private – Messages that you thought were sent privately to another member in confidence, may accidentally or on purpose be shared with others. If what you share with another person is not what you want to spread on the message board, then your best choice may be to not share that information. What you keep private and don’t share with others will remain private.

14) “I don’t mean to offend anyone. . .” – We’ve all seen this or similar statements at the beginning of a post. If you have to start by saying you don’t mean to offend, it usually means you consider what you’re posting will be offensive. If you feel you need to include these words in a post, you really should not be writing that post.

15) Random acts of kindness – This was a catch phrase a few years ago . . . but it’s still very valuable today. Look for opportunities to offer praise to other members. Congratulate members when they’ve made a breakthrough with their parrot. Thank members when they’ve shared something that is helpful to you. Share with members that you appreciate what they bring to the message board. Praise a skill or talent that a member shares that amazes you. Congratulate a member on successes or special days in their life. Goodwill goes a long way in developing and maintaining a friendly and respectful message board.

16) Apologies – If you are involved in a conflict with another member that takes place in front of everyone, when emotions cool you may want to apologize to everyone. That’s not needed and may reignite the conflict and turmoil. If there is a member or two who you really feel there is a need to apologize to then do it in a private message. Keep it short and simple, “I am sorry for my role in our recent disagreement and I wish my comments had been friendlier and more respectful.” Don’t attempt to explain why you were so passionate or to defend the position you had taken in the conflict.

If we strive to keep every post we write friendly, polite and respectful it will go a long way in keeping all our interactions friendly, polite and respectful. I hope something shared here will be of help to you if you observe or are involved in a conflict here.

Miniature dairy cattle

NSchwalm — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:41:44 GMT

I was wondering if folks had any experience with or information about miniature dairy cow varieties. I would like to purchase a dairy cow, but was thinking about a miniature jersey so I could get a lot of cream-rich milk for my small family without ending up with gallons of extra milk. Can anyone provide any information about good breeds, breeders or information about the keeping miniature varieties and the pros and cons. Thank you.

Produce Traceability Initiative

Top10ProduceLLC — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 21:32:20 GMT

Check out www.producetraceabilityinitiative.org

New to the Forum

geesemother — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 06:43:12 GMT

Hello to all!

I live in a small town in Eastern North Carolina and I currently own 8 geese, 6 ducks and numerous chickens.

I have almost always had problems with keeping my chickens well and some ducks have passed for health reasons but never a goose.

I really need some knowledgeable help on this problem I have with a gosling (almost 2 months old). She was going strong and then one day I went out and she couldn't walk well. Now she falls most of the time when she tries to get around. Yesterday, I put her by herself in a cage and I looked out the window and saw her fall on her back. She eats well and drinks ok but she can't keep her balance. Do you know what could be wrong with her? I do not have a vet nearby (within 2 hours ) that sees geese. So that's a problem. I'm trying desperatly to save her! Someone said to give her polyvisol (childrens vitamins without iron), pedialyte (didn't see her drink any at all. I'm at a total loss!

Please help me if you can.

Thanks,

Cindy

Corn for a small farm

Douggifford — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 21:50:04 GMT

I have several acres available on which to raise crops to feed my animals. I would like to raise some corn, but I'm not sure which varieties would be good for a small hobby farm. I will not use chemical fertilizers or herbicides, so that excludes many of the popular commercial varieties of field corn. My land is good bottom land located in east-central Missouri. Any advice?

Find a home sub-forum?

Drawbar — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:40:01 GMT

What about adding a sub-forum for animals that people are looking homes for? I noticed Sue Weaver had a sheep she was looking at a home for, and another lady had a dog she was looking at a home for.

Myself I would hate to see this forum become a rescue animal posting site, but that is just my opinion. If the great people of this forum want that, then maybe a sub-forum that would concentrate these 'save the animal" posts could be centrally located so that do not dilute the sub-forums already created?

gardening

pugs — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 19:38:47 GMT

Hi,
I learned about this method in mother earth news and I was wondering if
anyone has used it.
I currently live in Arizona where the conditions are less then ideal with the heat and the soil we live with is concerned.
I recently tried this and found it very useful in this area. I did'nt need to
bust my tail removing grass or using any back breaking tools.
I am hoping someone has used this method and can share their thoughts
New to the group
Doug
organic gardener in arizona

Banned Members?

Seafield — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 13:54:23 GMT

How do members get banned from the forum? And, once they have been banned, how are they prevented from continuing to post under a new user name?

Hi! I'm new!!!

bethanysbantams — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 12:03:51 GMT

Hi! I'm new to Hobby Farms. I just got a subscription for my birthday! I am 13 years old and raise Rhode Island Red Bantams and Call ducks. Our family shows our ducks and chickens at shows. My farm is called Bethany's Bantams.

Bethany

Stickies?

Half Caper Farm — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 07:11:03 GMT

Is it possible to create "stickies"? ie threads with useful information that stay at the top of the list?

There have been some threads with links to useful websites and it would be really handy to have them at the top, instead of scrolling down through pages and pages.

How to report misuse?

MrsKK — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 01:47:09 GMT

I have a concern, but am not sure where to address it. I tried looking at the rules, but there is no reference to reporting/how to.

Thanks!

starting on a low budget

stormshouse — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 09:22:23 GMT

My husband and I both work fulltime....the work all day with not much to show for it kind of life. We dream of running a small farm that can support us enough for me to quit my job. I'm opening a little antique shop on my farm and hope to expand to sell items yeilded from the farm. We currently have a few goats. We have butchered and also sold kids. My husband raises a large garden. We hope to try our hand at starting an apiary and raising chickens, and growing a few fruit trees. My frustration is that everything is so expensive that it would cut into our monthly budget just to add fencing, purchase supplies and livestock. I know eventually our farming would pay off, but how do we get started on a very low budget? We don't want to give up this dream.

just wondering how to update my profile?

brody — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 06:26:06 GMT

I can see my profile has nothing useful on it - would like to update it a little (with an avatar and my blog) not sure how to do either

all help much appreciated

My Farm

ShearPerfectionRanch — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 14:41:07 GMT

I was wondering if I was looking for a particular farm or a particular product is there any way to search my farm descriptions?

New farmer help

PeggySue — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 05:39:55 GMT

Hi everyone

My husband and I have recently purchased a small (16 acre) hay farm. I have no farming experience at all and my husband has a little. We plan to continue with the hay fields as well as grow a "family" vegetable garden and raising some laying hens. We would like to approach some local farmers about working our hay fields for now, since we don't have any equipment yet. We have found our local cooperative extension office to be far from cooperative. Any suggestions on getting started will be welcome. Thank you.

New Moderator on the Forum

Community Moderator — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 10:09:31 GMT

Hello everyone,

I’m a new member of the moderation team. I'm the Hobby Farms Community Moderator. My position is to work on moderating the forums and My Farm profiles each day on all of the BowTie, Inc. websites. I’ll be working with the other moderators also to keep our forum environments friendly, helping to move topics if posted in the wrong area and enforcing the Forum Rules. If you have any concerns or find a post/thread violating our forum rules and guidelines, please feel free to send me a PM. I look forward to becoming a part of the Hobby Farms community.

Thanks!

Don't post farm questions in the 'Posting Guidlines' section

RanchGirl — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:19:15 GMT

Why do people post farm questions in the 'Posting Guidelines' section? Please make sure you are posting your question in the right section.

Thanks!

Ducks and Geese

Pegster — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 07:46:44 GMT

Hi,

Can I have a goose and ducks together? I used to have 2 Cayuga Ducks, and Mr. Coyote (we think) came for a visit, and now we have none. I would like to order on "chick day" from our local co-op, some Cayuga ducks, (maybe 4 or 6) and we would also like to have a goose or two? Do they get along... can they be in the same area? Can they use and have the same access to the "pond"? (in ground tank) Just because the geese would far out weigh the ducks, would the geese become aggressive, and pick on the ducks? Would there be any issues about disease between the breeds? Or... maybe just one goose with the ducks. If that's the case, would I try for a female goose or a male? I really don't want to get this complicated... so I tend to keep things very simple... So many questions, and Spring is around the corner!

Thank you,

Pegster

Geese

debtappan — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 12:43:30 GMT

I have two geese that we have had since they were babies they both are rolling up on two years. One is a Brown Chinese and the other is a tufted Roman. The tufted was very friendly and pretty gentle. The Chinese has never been friendly. Hear recently they are attacking everyone from adults to small children. The only one they have not attacked is myself. They hiss at me but have never charged me. The Tufted also is missing feathers on its chest. I cant tell if it is molting or something else.
Thank you

chickens

Savanna Texas — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 15:42:15 GMT

In the Hobby Farms magazine "Chickens" on page 23 there is a photo of a rooster, with no mention of the breed. I would sure like to know what breed he is.

can i change it

RanchGirl — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:46:40 GMT

I don't want to change my user name, but was looking at my profile, and was wondering if I could if I wanted.

Edit: I also want to know how to get that box around a quote. I can't quite figue that out.

Dung Beetles

Marie — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 08:23:05 GMT

I'm a new owner of a couple of cows. After spreading out the manure in the
grass field into small pieces with a hoe, it's still in dry, hard pieces after eight
weeks. My vet said I probably don't have any dung beetles in my field. There
is lots of info on the Internet about dung beetles, but no info on where to
order some. Is this possible?
Thanks in advance for any help.

first time post- can you help me find....

Cassie — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:07:05 GMT

Hello everyone. This is my first time on the site- i love it! I'm Cassie, currently living in southwest Florida. I'm looking to move back up to the Northeast. I'm having a real hard time finding horse land being that I've lost most of my connections up north. I've found in the past it is who you know not what you know! I am very flexible but my ideal property would be 10+ cleared acres with an existing home on it. We would consider larger parcels of raw land if the price is right. If you or anyone you know is interested in selling or leasing some property please let me know. My only main requirements are location- south of New York City, north of the Carolinas; and in an area of horse lovers, horse farms, etc.

Private Messaging Abuse

Suprafa — Sat, 29 Jul 2006 00:26:54 GMT

We've receive a few reports of several people using the private messaging system to recruit members to another forum. This is strictly prohibited and those caught doing this will be BANNED.

Because of private privacy laws, messages sent through the private messaging system cannot be tracked. To help crack down on those abusing the message board, we're asking that if you receive a private message that solicits another message board or website, please report this to us.

You can contact tech support through sitesupport@bowtieinc.com. You can also use the report button located on each post to alert the moderators. We want everyone to have an enjoyable experience here and those abusing the forum only hinder on your positive experience.

Thanks for your support!

Guidelines for Participation

forumadmin — Thu, 12 May 2005 17:23:46 GMT

Welcome to Our Community!

If you’re looking for the best spot on the internet to talk about Hobby Farms, you’ve come to the right place! The Animal Network offers a fun, safe and supportive environment where you can connect, make friends, share stories and exchange advice.

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If all the contents of your signature do not fit into the above space, your signature is too big. The lone exception is text. Text may go further right than the edge of the box because it wraps naturally. However, all images must fit in this area. You may have as many images in this area, but they can't exceed the boundaries, and no one image can exceed any boundary.

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Linking to other sites is allowed, however, please adhere to the above rules when posting links.

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*Updated 07/13/2009